Lady Judgement

I have to admit, I have historically not been the most inclusive feminist; in fact, I've been a judgmental feminist. Younger me didn't grasp the fact that feminism was about choice and the freedom to have choices (even if that choice is a traditional one). But older me gets it - the women's movement has always been about being able to choose what we want to do with our lives.

So it was a real slap in the face when I sat on the other side of the lady-judgment table.

The other day at work I was talking with some women coworkers. We were just getting to know each other - gabbing about work, school, career ideals, and our big goals. My coworkers are impressive women with awesome goals which is great! But when they asked me what I wanted to do long term I took the circuitous route: I told them my interests (women, global health, west africa) and how I want to affect change. But then I said that I thought marriage had given me some perspective on what I wanted in terms of work life balance - which is, more life, less work.

and BOOM!! Came the lady judgement.

"Really??" they seemed to ask - as if they couldn't understand how marriage could change someone's perspective on this.

And I felt I had to backtrack and explain myself.

"Woah!" I said, "It's not like I want to stay home and make babies - I don't even want kids - it's just that there are a lot of things I want out of life and my career doesn't define me. I want to travel, become a better musician, a better chef - and sure, I am passionate about women's health across the globe but it's not the sole focus of my life and I won't treat it that way."

See, I'm a big proponent of non-traditional work schedules, and telecommuting, and, you know, having organizations function in the 21st Century. And I don't think that's unreasonable. But as a woman - even to other women - I still felt as though I needed to explain myself, and it was silly. Even here I feel compelled to explain that I don't want to NOT work, I just don't want to work in an old-school system that doesn't appreciate or understand the modern workplace.

I've grown up with very high-achieving people which has propelled me forward - heck, I am 23 and have a Master's degree which is pretty cool. But a certain level of judgement has always existed in my circles about choosing a less-career dominated life and I've played into it - so it was a unique experience to be on the other side of that for the first time.

Proud to be a Gleek

My sister and I fight over Glee a lot - what we liked and didn't, who is the most awesome character. One of the first things I had to do when I got back from my trip was catch up on the episode I missed - obviously that is a greater priority than cleaning up the apartment from the big party we had a few weeks ago (aka the wedding). This was probably one of my favorite episodes of all time - Mercedes' "Spotlight" was AMAZING and the group song at the end was super duper moving. And then there was Brittany rockin' it out to Beyonce's jam.

The first time I ever heard Beyonce's song about Girls Running the World was through one of my favorite vloggers. Here's what she had to say:

I 100% buy 19%'s analysis of the bill of goods being sold in this tune. 

But I couldn't help LOVING Glee's rendition of Girl's Run the World with Brittany singing it regarding being class president. 

So now I'm torn!! My only obvious issue with what Glee does here is hyper sexualize Brittany and the other girls with their outfits - but what's new on T.V.? 

Girl Effect

If you look to the right you'll see a new badge on the site that links to the Girl Effect Blogging Campaign. 


Learn more about the Girl Effect: 

“The Girl Effect” is a powerful idea: by investing in girls in thedeveloping world, we make an incredibly effective investment in eradicating poverty, creating thriving communities, and slowing the spread of AIDS.

Join the campaign! Write about The Girl Effect at your blog during October 4-11, 2011!


I will be away on my honeymoon that week but will write about the Girl Effect beforehand. I encourage you learn more and participate in the campaign.

The Dangers of Black/White Thinking - Body Image.

I hope this post on Feministing gets a bunch of comments because I would love to see what people think about it.You can find Jess' piece in Glamour.

 Women were more supportive than I’d ever expected, and many of them even admitted that they too wanted to lose weight to improve their health but had, like me, felt trapped by the stigma that confident, heavy women weren’t supposed to think about weight at all. Like me, they felt liberated by the idea that it wouldn’t betray their ideals to value their physical health.


"In her interview with Kate Harding, Jess summed up what I believe is the unedited truth and the real, beating heart of why this piece is important: “I think I just spent too much time in black/white thinking (caring about appearance/weight = bad — critical thinking/shunning societal pressures = good) that I forgot to really find the middle ground for myself.”


"All of us need to reflect, not just on our own personal health markers, how we measure and maintain them, but on our larger messaging and how we treat one another within this movement. Shaming people for not knowing, or not agreeing with all the facets of the movement’s accepted wisdom, leads to this kind of black/white thinking that Jess describes. It makes people misunderstand the message. It makes people feel judged, which is exactly what we are fighting against."

Engagement Art

My fiance and I had been together nearly 2 years when we got engaged.

I'm not a big fan of the engagement ring - I don't like the symbolism, I don't like the look of 'em - I'm not a fan. 

Mike had a hard time with this concept at first. I think men are taught that the engagement ring is a big deal. It's a symbol of love and definitely a symbol of money. He got it though when I told him that I would not wear any engagement ring he bought me, I'd probably just find it offensive. 

Anyway, our engagement was AWESOME! Here we are at Bodega Bay, just after Mike proposed (yeah we had conversations about proposals too...)

We took the money Mike might have used to buy me a ring and bought these instead: 

The artist is Suzanne Edminster, an amazing California artist. We love her, wanted to support her, and fill our home with her art. 

If you're not a traditionalist, what would you do with the engagement ring money instead?