Lady Judgement

I have to admit, I have historically not been the most inclusive feminist; in fact, I've been a judgmental feminist. Younger me didn't grasp the fact that feminism was about choice and the freedom to have choices (even if that choice is a traditional one). But older me gets it - the women's movement has always been about being able to choose what we want to do with our lives.

So it was a real slap in the face when I sat on the other side of the lady-judgment table.

The other day at work I was talking with some women coworkers. We were just getting to know each other - gabbing about work, school, career ideals, and our big goals. My coworkers are impressive women with awesome goals which is great! But when they asked me what I wanted to do long term I took the circuitous route: I told them my interests (women, global health, west africa) and how I want to affect change. But then I said that I thought marriage had given me some perspective on what I wanted in terms of work life balance - which is, more life, less work.

and BOOM!! Came the lady judgement.

"Really??" they seemed to ask - as if they couldn't understand how marriage could change someone's perspective on this.

And I felt I had to backtrack and explain myself.

"Woah!" I said, "It's not like I want to stay home and make babies - I don't even want kids - it's just that there are a lot of things I want out of life and my career doesn't define me. I want to travel, become a better musician, a better chef - and sure, I am passionate about women's health across the globe but it's not the sole focus of my life and I won't treat it that way."

See, I'm a big proponent of non-traditional work schedules, and telecommuting, and, you know, having organizations function in the 21st Century. And I don't think that's unreasonable. But as a woman - even to other women - I still felt as though I needed to explain myself, and it was silly. Even here I feel compelled to explain that I don't want to NOT work, I just don't want to work in an old-school system that doesn't appreciate or understand the modern workplace.

I've grown up with very high-achieving people which has propelled me forward - heck, I am 23 and have a Master's degree which is pretty cool. But a certain level of judgement has always existed in my circles about choosing a less-career dominated life and I've played into it - so it was a unique experience to be on the other side of that for the first time.

Taking Steps

I spent today really embracing the lessons learned from last night's informational interview.

Here were some steps I took:

- Followed local organizations I love on LinkedIn and try to find people who worked there who are 2nd or even 3rd degree connections. Coming up: I will try to use my connections to get in touch with these people and set up even more informational interviews.

- Filled out a volunteer application for organization nearby that I really like. They contacted me almost immediately and I'll be following up in a meeting next week. This is a great opportunity for me to keep busy, give back to the community, and hopefully make some new connections.

-Wrote a cover letter in 30 minutes; the goal was 20 but I couldn't stop myself. I spent more time agonizing over the writing sample and my resume to be truthful.

Yay Motivation!!

To Do: Step 1

I wrote last week about Step 1 - figure out exactly what you want to do; I'm still working on it.

The same friend of Mike's gave me a disc by Brian Tracy entitled "Goals!" and he speaks entirely about the importance of knowing your goals, writing them down, and doing something every single day to help achieve your goal. One premise of this talk is that circumstances are irrelevant because if you know what you want and you work towards it with fervor, it will happen.

When I first started thinking about this, I was pretty stuck in, "what is the EXACT career goal I have". Now it's a little different. My immediate goal is obviously, get a job. But is my long term goal to get X job or to get a job that pays X? These may or may not be mutually exclusive but I think a lot of people battle with this.

This topic is polarizing and I understand why. On the one hand, you're working to live - you might not LOVE your job but you have more resources to love your life outside of your job. Money can't buy happiness but it certainly can make it easier (Happiness for me would be having no student debt!). On the other hand - especially as a public health professional - I care about what it is that I do. I want my work to make a difference.

As I think about the goals I have and what it is that I want to start working on each day, I am trying to find a good way to marry job X and salary X.

Mike said to me recently that he could look back to his twenties and see many instances in which he got in his own way, making it more difficult for himself to achieve his goals. I think we do that when we give up, stop looking for work, stop feeling positively about ourselves and our situation, and when we settle. Knowing, writing down, and working towards very concrete goals may be a great way to prevent you from getting in your own way.